As result of recently turning 48 years young, I decided to travel back to my past to identify, review and name my natural gifts and/or reframe the lens of my story if necessary. When your almost a half a century young its important to look at the trajectory of your life. There may be some forgotten lessons or reminders you need to embrace in order to have a better or possibly different understanding. I determine this necessary for me because I would like to be a lot more deliberate in my narrative going forward. This just means I am choosing to be completely present and responsible for my mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health as I materialize my highest good.
The first thing that occurs to me is as a child I had a very very strong will. Once I made up my mind about what my truth was. There was no one or nothing that could persuade me otherwise. Being told no about something I "BELIEVED" was for my highest good by an adult only fueled me more to figure out how to derive the desired outcome.
Dance was my first Love. By the end of my freshmen high school year, I was a member of 2 dance companies, the Oakland Youth Chorus and the International Black Writers Association. I was maintaining a 3.0 in my college preparatory courses. The opportunity to become an apprentice with the Dimensions Dance Company was available. I would need to audition to be considered and the permission of my Mother to participate. So, I shared my desire to apply and my Mother declined based on the number of activities I was already involved in and its potential impact on my grades if I should add another. Needless to say I didn't adhere to my Mother's decision and I auditioned anyway. The result being my acceptance as an Apprentice and raising my GPA to a 3.75.
Fast forward I have completed my B.S. and moved to Boston, MA after joining the Peace Corp. I would decline my Peace Corp assignment due to the Ebola virus and decided to go to graduate school. As colleagues studied for the GMAT, I decided and "BELIEVED" that I could get into graduate school without taking the GMAT. No one communicated, cosigned or demonstrated that it could be done but that didn't matter to me. So, I started applying for graduate programs that would pay me to get my Masters degree. Out of all the universities, I applied to only one responded stating that I was not selected for their fellowship but I should apply the next year. I wasn't disappointed or deterred. My internal response was okay your on to something. Two weeks later I would get a phone call at work from the Director of the Science Department of Tuskegee University. He informed that one of fellowships was not accepted and wanted to know if I was still interested. My answer was "YES & Thank you!!!". Two weeks later I would be earning my M.S. in Neuroscience on full scholarship.
It is the compilation of these types of life experiences that have consistently affirmed that I can live & dance to the guidance of my internal knowing. Oxford dictionary defines Belief as trust, faith, or confidence in someone or something. To make life decisions from belief and not facts is challenging because there is no security experienced with no availability of proof. It has been challenging to take the roads less traveled or because I heard my internal whisper say otherwise.
The challenge shows up as the naysayers, systemic oppression, unjust politics in the workforce or those who simply resent your conscious ability to not compromise your highest good /ethics. Trust I understand what it feels like to make decisions and live from fear. I have suffered harassment for being a critical thinker or not being agreeable/questioning "authority" or choosing not to get on the bandwagon. It's a lonesome road because usually there is no one to defend or protect my honor or my belief but me.
Through those difficult times it helped me to develop the muscle of my internal knowing. It taught me to trust myself and made it possible to always like me. More importantly, it confirmed that there exist a greater force than the laws of man that are always at play. Everyday there are millions of suggestions, ideas and life events silently asking me / us to weigh in on what we believe. Often times these decisions can be made instantaneously without great thought on it's intention and/or impact to ourselves and others.
Our beliefs are seeds that are planted in the fertile ground of our mind's practicality and imagination. Let's be mindful of the music, TV and social media messaging we listen to because of it's subliminal affect. Let's choose how we invest our time and mental energy to ensure it aligns with our beliefs and the things we would like to manifest for ourselves. The more deliberate we are about what we believe. A clear mental picture can be formed of the spaces we are choosing to navigates ourselves to. A belief is merely the ability to see a possibility as achievable.
"It's the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee."
~ Nicholas Sparks
"I dwell in possibilities."
~ Emily Dickerson